Vice

Cleo: Might I borrow you two for a moment?
Euden: Sure. What is it?
Cleo: We have a visitor. Or should I call him a merchant? In any case, come with me.
Vice: Oh, that won't be necessary.
Vice: You're the boss, right?
Euden: Technically, I suppose. And you are?
Vice: The name's Vice—and it's your lucky day.
Vice: For a limited time only, I'm offering you my services at a highly discounted rate!
Vice: Why not give me a test run? I never disappoint.
Ranzal: So yer a mercenary, yeah?
Vice: Don't insult me! My talents dwarf those of common sellswords. I am an assassin.
Cleo: ......
Cleo: I cannot say I've ever heard anyone state that so openly.
Vice: Well, you get as good as me, word of your skills travels fast. I'm practically a household name.
Vice: No point in getting shy now.
Vice: But this country's a mess at the moment.
Vice: All this open fighting is putting assassins out of work.
Vice: You though, Euden? You must have plenty of enemies.
Vice: Which means plenty of people you want dead.
Euden: Eh, not so much.
Vice: Thought so. Right then, we'll start at the top and work...
Vice: Wait, WHAT?!
Vice: There's gotta be at least one person you want assassinated! You're ROYALTY!
Vice: Come on. This is some sort of joke, right?
Vice: Take a second to think.
Vice: I'm sure you can come up with a handful— no, a HUNDRED names for me to cross off! Royalty always has a hit list a mile long.
Euden: You say that, but I truly don't. I've never even considered it.
Vice: What kind of prince ARE you?
Vice: Bah... It was stupid to get my hopes up.
Vice: Guess I gotta go find some other clients.
Euden: Hold on, Vice.
Euden: If you don't have anywhere else to go, why not stay with us for a while?
Euden: Just because I can't think of anyone now, that doesn't mean I'll never have anyone I want you to take care of.
Vice: Well, when you put it like that... Deal.
Vice: Just send for me as soon as you come up with a target, okay?
Ranzal: Nice thinkin', Euden.
Cleo: What was that about?
Cleo: Please tell me you're not actually planning to assassinate anyone in the future.
Euden: Of course not. I just didn't want him endangering anyone else.
Ranzal: So to keep him from killin' anyone, ya made up an excuse to keep him here and outta trouble.
Cleo: Well... I suppose I can understand that.
Cleo: But keeping an assassin at hand just to protect others is almost TOO selfless. Even for you.

Vice: Hey, Euden! You know what I came here for, don't you?
Euden: Um...to take requests for tonight's dinner?
Vice: ...Oh yeah, that too. So what do you want?
Euden: Everything you make is delicious, so I'll leave it up to you. Surprise me!
Vice: Tch... Great, thanks, huge help.
Vice: Anyway, that's not actually why I'm here.
Ranzal: Vice's cookin' dinner tonight, eh?
Euden: That's right. He said he doesn't like freeloading, so he wanted to help out somehow.
Euden: The knife skills he honed as an assassin really help in the kitchen.
Euden: That thing he did with the apple earlier—
Vice: I told you, I'm not here to talk dinner! I'm here to talk targets!
Vice: Euden...
Vice: Don't tell me you still haven't thought of anyone you want me to kill yet!
Euden: Oh, is that what you wanted?
Vice: Don't play dumb!
Vice: I ask you literally every day!
Euden: Hmmm... Weeell...
Ranzal: Oh! This is perfect!
Ranzal: Truth is, I got a bit of a mess what ya could clean up for me.
Euden: What are you saying, Ranzal?!
Vice: See, this guy gets me! I've been waiting for this!
Ranzal: Great. I know it's last minute, but come with me. I'm gonna put those hands'a yers to good use!
Vice: Heh. They won't know what hit 'em!
Vice: *sigh*
Ranzal: Yer pretty slick with those daggers, Vice.
Vice: Shut it! Why are you making me get rid of these fiends?!
Euden: This wouldn't have been nearly as easy without you, Vice. Thanks.
Vice: W-well, that's good, I guess. I mean, not that I'm SUPER happy about it, but at least I earned my keep.
Vice: I just wish you'd hurry up and send me out to ice someone already.
Euden: Er, can you take care of that fiend, Vice?
Vice: For the love'a... Fiiine. I'll be right back.
Ranzal: I ain't never met such an agreeable assassin before.
Euden: Heh. He has a good heart under all the gruff and bluster. I'm sure of it.

Vice: Hey, Euden.
Vice: You know why I'm here, right? Right?!
Euden: Time for dinner requests already?
Vice: Enough!
Vice: I'm done waiting! You have GOT to give me a target!
Vice: Look!
Vice: I'm becoming an old man while you take your sweet time deciding who you want assassinated!
Vice: Here! Since you won't tell me who's in your way, I went out and gathered some intel on my own.
Vice: I compiled a list of likely targets, so all you have to do is pick one. NOW DO IT ALREADY!
Ranzal: Hey, lemme see that!
Ranzal: Didja really do all this research on yer own, Vice?
Vice: Huh? Course I did. You can't be a good assassin without knowing how to scope out your mark.
Ranzal: This is seriously impressive. Take a look, Euden.
Ranzal: He looked into yer older brothers, obviously, but also influential aristocrats, and even the nobles who control land around here.
Euden: Whoa, you're right. This is very thorough.
Vice: Come on, choose already. Who do you want me to assassinate?
Euden: Hmmm... I'm sorry, but there isn't anyone on this list I want killed.
Vice: What?! You mean out of ALL these people, there isn't a single one you want dead?!
Euden: Unfortunately, no.
Euden: I hate to ask, but could you do a bit more digging?
Euden: Maybe if you broaden your search, you'll find an acceptable target.
Vice: Tch... Fine.
Vice: *sigh* I can't believe there wasn't a single viable target out of all those people.
Vice: All I've been doing lately is fighting fiends and cooking food.
Vice: Why the hell am I even here?!
Vice: Or maybe the question is, why am I STILL here? I could walk anytime I feel like it!
Euden: Something troubling you, Vice?
Vice: Oh yeah. I got a lot of troubles, and I have you to thank for each and every one.
Vice: ...But I'll keep looking—and when I report back, I expect you to give me a target!
Vice: In the meantime, what do you want for dinner tonight? You can decide that much, can't you?

Cleo: Here you are, Euden. Vice has compiled an updated list of enemies who would do you harm.
Ranzal: Damn, that's a whole lotta names! Ya sure are unpopular.
Euden: Well, I suppose my position does come with a certain amount of danger.
Ranzal: Guess all we can do is be ready for whenever an attack actually comes.
Vice: Hey, hold on!
Vice: You know who the enemy is now! Aren't you going to do anything about it?
Euden: None of them have done anything to wrong me yet.
Euden: There's no reason for us to attack unprovoked.
Vice: Don't be naive!
Vice: You gotta get them before they get you!
Vice: Just say the word, and I'll take care of it. I'll get rid of all of 'em!
Euden: I can't do that.
Vice: Why not?! Knockin' fools off now means you can avoid trouble later!
Vice: That's gotta be common sense among nobility.
Vice: Why are you hesitating?!
Euden: It's true that killing those who oppose me would make some things easier.
Euden: But from there, am I supposed to just keep killing everyone who gets in my way—or seems like they might?
Vice: Well...yeah! That's just how it works.
Euden: No. I refuse to accept that.
Euden: Maybe killing my enemies would take care of my problems in the short term, but it's not a permanent solution.
Euden: Far from it, in fact.
Euden: All that does is treat the symptom, not the disease.
Vice: Tch! Pretty words from a foolish man.
Vice: Well, that's it. I quit. I haven't gotten to do my job even once since I got here.
Ranzal: Vice, don't ya get it yet?
Vice: You got more pretty words for me now?
Ranzal: Listen, Vice...
Ranzal: Euden doesn't wanna make ya assassinate anyone.
Ranzal: 'Cause the more people ya kill, the more darkness seeps into yer own life.
Ranzal: He wants ya to get off this path before it's too late.
Vice: This is the only path I got!
Vice: It's not like it's any of his business what happens to me—
Ranzal: Yeah, it is. Because he's yer friend.
Vice: Assassins don't HAVE friends.
Ranzal: Vice, ya keep sayin' the assassin life's yer only option, but ya know it ain't true.
Ranzal: Ya don't have to kill anyone to stay here.
Vice: Dammit...
Vice: Ever since I met that stupid prince, I've been going crazy!
Vice: I'm an assassin! But I... I... Augh!

Ranzal: One'a the fiends is headed for the village!
Fiend: Graaawwgghh!
Euden: It's too fast! We'll never catch it in time!
Ranzal: Dammit! If Vice were here, he could get over there in a flash—
Vice: I'm on it.
Euden: Vice! You came to help us!
Vice: Not exactly. I just wanted to talk to you.
Ranzal: Nice work, Vice. Seriously, I dunno how that woulda played out if ya didn't show.
Euden: Yes, you were a great help. Thank you.
Vice: I told you, that's not why... Ugh!
Vice: Telling me how awesome I am at killing fiends is not helping my mood!
Euden: Ah... You really want someone to assassinate, don't you?
Vice: Do you really have to ask?! I'm an ASSASSIN. It's my THING.
Vice: I mean, it's all I've got going for me.
Vice: I don't know how to live any other way.
Euden: Come on, that's not true.
Euden: You're an amazing cook.
Vice: N-not really—
Euden: Plus, you've saved many lives.
Vice: What? I don't remember anything like that.
Euden: Think a bit harder.
Euden: Every fiend you defeat is one fewer that can endanger someone.
Euden: I'm sure everyone you've saved is truly grateful for what you've done.
Vice: ......
Vice: What kind of assassin actually saves people?
Vice: You really know how to mess with a fellow's head.
Euden: I don't mean to.
Vice: Euden.
Vice: With everything that's going on, I haven't had a single person hire me to kill someone.
Vice: No work means no pay, and no pay means I can't get a place to sleep or food to eat.
Vice: So I...I'm gonna stay with you. Just until someone hires me for what I do best.
Euden: Really?! That's wonderful! You can stay as long as you like, Vice!
Vice: O-only until I find work! Then I'm gone! Got it?!
Euden: Right, of course. I'm just glad you're sticking around.
Vice: Are you even listening to me?!