Alain

Euden: ...Hmm? Someone's running this way.
Alain: *pant* *pant* Ho there, friend! It's an honor to meet you. My name is Alain. And while I realize we're literally meeting for the first time this very moment, I fear I must beg a boon of you.
Euden: What seems to be the problem?
Alain: As it turns out, I am currently in retreat from an overwhelming enemy force.
Euden: Hmm? I don't see any enemies.
Alain: Ah. Yes. That. Well, I've been retreating for half a day now, so perhaps I managed to shake them.
Euden: They must be a fearsome bunch if you've been running for as long as you say. Can you tell me what happened?
Alain: I was patrolling when I sensed three bandits in ambush. Realizing that, I immediately beat a hasty retreat.
Euden: I fear I'm confused. You sensed attacking bandits, but they didn't actually attack?
Alain: It's far too late to start preparing to flee if one has already been set upon by rogues!
Euden: But is it not also possible to lean too far in the other direction? Hmm. Perhaps this is a discussion best saved for another time. Now, what was that favor you wanted?
Alain: Ah, yes! I hear you already count a number of formidable warriors among your ranks. And yet you lack tacticians able to command an effective retreat when the odds are against you.
Euden: Hmm. I suppose that's true, now that you mention it.
Alain: Then it sounds as though there's a niche for me to fill! I've commanded countless successful retreats to date. So whenever you need to flee the battlefield, allow me to lead the way!
Euden: Well, we don't often find ourselves retreating, but you're welcome to join us regardless.
Alain: Then please give the order to retreat at once!
Euden: What, now?! Um... Well... Perhaps we should go and rest inside the castle, then.
Alain: Yes, sir! Retreating into the castle at once!

Ranzal: It's a great day for some monster huntin'! Let's get this show on the road, Euden!
Alain: Sir! After careful consideration of every option, I believe our only choice in the current situation is to retreat at once!
Euden: Very well. Ranzal, begin our retr— Wait, RETREAT?!
Ranzal: Hey, I know you. You're that Alain fella! The heck you doin' here, Captain Craven?
Alain: I would appreciate it if you did not use that horrid nickname in my presence, sir! It is not cowardice that drives me to run— I merely believe in proposing the most appropriate strategy for every situation.
Euden: You know this man, Ranzal?
Ranzal: Guy used to be a military advisor in another kingdom. Every advisor had a different role— his was securin' escape routes.
Alain: Correct. Organizing retreat may be a duty without glory, yet it is the most important role there is! But my talents were lost on the others, who forgot I was part of the force at all. And so I retreated from advising entirely.
Euden: So you were relieved of your duties?
Alain: I remember well one particular occasion when I was given the task of leading the entire army myself. But when I am entrusted with command of a military force, I always end up choosing to retreat—no matter how assured victory may seem at the time.
Euden: In that case, how does this sound? We've no intention of retreating, but you can draw up a strategy just in case. Will that suffice?
Alain: It would be my greatest honor, sir! However, I have already completed my preparations for retreating. We can run screaming into the night the moment you say the word!
Ranzal: This is like fightin' with yer back to the wall, 'cept the wall's in front of ya.
Alain: And once our retreat is complete, the army will be able to enjoy warm baths, delicious food, and entertainment from the finest jesters in all the land!
Euden: Warm baths and delicious food?!
Ranzal: Can we get massages, too?!
Euden: R-Ranzal?!
Ranzal: Huh? Oh, right. Sorry. ...But you were gettin' excited, too!
Euden: I fear I couldn't help myself...

Alain: Yes... No... Yes... No... Yes... No...
Notte: Heeeey, it's Captain Craven! You using those flowers to see if you should ask out the love of your life?
Alain: I'll thank you to not call me by that name. And these flowers are my attempt to divine when the commander will give the retreat order.
Notte: The commander...? Wait, you mean Euden? Yeah, I wouldn't get your hopes up there. He's not really the retreating type.
Alain: You're likely correct. ...Though since you mentioned it, I suppose retreat IS much like love in a way.
Notte: You think so? I'm not seeing it.
Alain: I once fell in love with a woman who oft I saw in the palace's strategy room. She had such beautiful chestnut hair...
Notte: Yeah, that has nothing to do with retreating.
Alain: My job is retreating. It is an unglamorous role that attracts little positive attention. But retreating is not as safe as many assume. Indeed, there was every chance I might one day perish fleeing from the battlefield. Thus did I decide to confess my feelings to the chestnut-haired beauty.
Notte: Well, I guess that last part makes a LITTLE bit of sense. Plus, it's always good to confess your love.
Alain: But were she not to share my feelings, it would make things terrifically awkward between us afterward, would it not?
Notte: Nah, everybody gets rejected now and then. I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Alain: Ah, were it so simple. Yet love IS war, and all that remains after the initial flame is vast swathes of scorched earth!
Notte: That's...one way to put it?
Alain: My preparations could not have been more flawless... For the wheels of my retreat were in motion from the moment my confession began!
Notte: It reeeally sounds like you were overthinking this.
Alain: Yet everything went according to plan. My advances were rejected— but that was the outcome I planned for, so I was able to avoid a broken heart.
Notte: Wait. You went into this EXPECTING to be shot down?
Alain: But that is enough of my sad, sordid tale. Please let the commander know that all necessary preparations have been made for our retreat— all he need do is give the order.

Ranzal: We really need to do somethin' about Captain Craven, Euden. All he does is walk around figurin' out how we're gonna run away.
Euden: I know it's annoying, but he's not doing any real harm. So long as we end up holding our ground, nothing is lost.
Elisanne: But if he keeps this up, our men may think we're truly in need of retreat, which will likely harm morale. And that will surely affect how we fare in battle. I think you should have a word with him before it's too late.
Alain: Commander! I've been looking for you! The order to retreat must be given at once!
Ranzal: Well, speak of the devil. Whatcha on about now? Oh wait, let me guess— runnin' away! Everything starts and ends with fleein' for you, don't it? Heck, you'd probably retreat from a stiff breeze!
Alain: I resent that remark, Sir Ranzal! Retreat is not something I recommend for fun—it is an action we must undertake in order to secure peace!
Elisanne: In some cases, I agree. However, we press forward in the name of our cause, which is ALSO to achieve peace.
Cleo: Um, guys? What's going on here?
Elisanne: Good day, Cleo. I fear you have walked into the middle of an unpleasant disagreement between allies.
Cleo: Yeah, I figured that much. You need someone to help settle it?
Euden: I think we have just the man to settle it already. ...Don't we, Alain?
Alain: Quite so, Commander. I quite agree that this is a most unpleasant disagreement. I'm frankly ashamed to have any part in it.
Euden: I also would like nothing more than to retreat from this conversation.
Ranzal: Yeah! I wanna retreat from this, too! ...I mean, in the name'a peace and all that crap.
Elisanne: I have no disagreements on that front. I also wish to retreat from this disagreement with all haste.
Alain: Everyone wants this to end, yes? In other words, you want me to cease preparing to retreat?
Euden: No one's telling you to cease, Alain. We just want you to retreat from preparing to retreat.
Alain: Ah. Understood, Commander! I will retreat from preparing to retreat at once!
Ranzal: Retreat from retreatin', eh? Now there's an idea I never woulda thought of.
Cleo: Are we SURE this is all right? I mean, I feel like we're just tricking the poor guy into doing exactly what we want him to do.
Alain: Oh, it's quite all right. In fact, I've just found myself remembering something of great import... The need to retreat arises from the presence of conflict. And resolving conflict peacefully is my role in life. As such, I believe retreating to be the best course of action here!
Cleo: Um...huh. Well, I guess as long as you're okay with it.

Alain: Commander, I've finished refining the ultimate retreat plan.
Euden: You've been working on that?!
Alain: I am always calculating and preparing new plans for battle.
Ranzal: Gah! Give it a rest with the retreatin' thing already!
Elisanne: Indeed, I seem to recall us retreating from your plans to retreat.
Alain: We retreated from that day's retreat only. We did not agree to retreat from the general concept of retreating.
Elisanne: This is becoming very complicated...
Euden: Let's at least listen to what Alain has to say.
Ranzal: *grumble* Yeah, all right, I'll listen. But it better be good! Otherwise, we're probably gonna retreat from retreatin' again, and I dunno if I can keep all that straight.
Alain: Sir Ranzal? Lady Elisanne? Commander Euden? I propose that we continue our advance.
Ranzal: ...Muh?
Alain: I've heard that the power of this country's Shards is weakening, which puts all its people in grave peril. Monsters run rampant o'er the land, and order weakens by the day. These problems will compound, in turn affecting the entire continent. My only goal is to stop that from happening and return the land to how it was before. To that end, we must press on and advance!
Ranzal: Look, I ain't disagreein', but what about your obsession with retreatin'? It's like Captain Craven has become Captain BRAVEN! ...Heh. Good one, me.
Alain: Oh, this is ABSOLUTELY a retreat. One far more challenging than staging a simple attack.
Elisanne: I will need you to explain this.
Alain: We fight to make this a peaceful land once more, instead of one ridden with conflict and strife. So rather than letting the world continue on its current path, we seek to move it back. We seek to make it RETREAT! The road to the true peace that awaits after our victory will be a long one, but I swear to guide you all down it— even if it comes at the cost of my own life.
Elisanne: The road to true peace... And you know this road, do you?
Alain: Naturally. For even if all others be blind, the eyes of Captain Craven see exactly where we should be headed—AND the peace that awaits us once we get there!
Ranzal: Man, I love this guy! Forget walkin' down this road—I'm gonna RUN down the sucker!
Elisanne: Then I have no choice but to accompany you.
Euden: Right then. In the name of peace, Alain...give the order.
Alain: All units...RETREEEEEEEAT!