Robert

Robert
Relationship status:	Widowed
Spouse:	Marilyn (deceased)
Children:	Val
Voice actor:	Dan Avidan

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Robert Small is one of the dateable dads in Dream Daddy.

Coined as the "Bad Dad" option, Robert is an aloof widower with a macabre sense of humour. His favourite pastimes include drinking whiskey and toying with people by way of the elaborate, often shocking stories he makes up to get a reaction. Robert is rebellious, quick-witted, and reluctant to talk about anything too serious. Perhaps it is because of these qualities that he is friends with Mary despite having had an affair with her husband, Joseph.

If the avatar pursues a romance with Robert, on the third date Mary asks they "keep an eye" on him as he is acting unusual. The avatar later learns Robert is estranged from his adult daughter, Val, who has recently contacted him. The avatar can offer Robert advice on whether or not he should try to reconnect with Val; the decision determines the final outcome of his route.

If you go on two dates with Robert and then choose Joseph as your dream daddy, Robert will confront you angrily on your third date with Joseph.

Robert also appears in the Dream Daddy Comics published by Oni Press.

Likes/Dislikes

Likes:

Cool knives
Waking up at 3pm
Hunting cryptids

Dislikes:

Small talk
When moviegoers don't stay for the credits
Emotional intimacy

DadBook profile

when the internet gains sentience and decides to destroy us all you know it'll use this information against us, right

On a Friday Night you are most likely to....
make a deal in an alleyway. Have it go badly. Who's the cop? Was it giacomo? I trusted giacomo

If you had one thing to take with you onto a desert island, what would it be?
gun

What are your turn-ons?
don't talk to me

What did you want to be when you grew up?
grifter

What's your favorite movie genre?
italian neo-realism

What's your ideal date?
grave robbing

What do you never leave home without?
at least four knives

I spend a lot of time thinking about:
you ever really look into a rabid animals eyes

Joseph date confrontation

???: Avatar.

That doesn't sound like Joseph. I turn around to find...

Avatar: Robert. Hey.

What's he doing here?

Robert: So. How's Joseph?

Robert comes off as cold immediately. I get the feeling he's not happy I'm here.

And what's with that look? He seems... very angry. Very, very angry.

Avatar: He's... going through some stuff.

Robert: Hmph.

Robert blasts through a cigarette.

Robert: So I guess he's your friend now, huh? Your pal?

Avatar: Oh, he's... Robert, you're my friend too.

Robert: And I suppose two friends just spend the night out on a private yacht together, being buds, chatting about friendship. Is that what two friends do?

His voice gets louder. What's gotten into him?

Avatar: Robert, come on. You know I'm not like that.

Robert: Avatar, you might be an idiot, but I'm not.

Avatar: What's your problem with Joseph anyway?

Robert: I don't like Joseph. I don't trust Joseph. Joseph is a bad guy and I don't want him around you.

Avatar: Robert, you committed petty larceny last week and think you're haunted by the Dover Ghost.

Robert: It was the god damn Dover Ghost.

Robert pauses to calm himself down.

Robert: Joseph's not who you think he is.

Avatar: ...What?

Robert: Ask him about it sometime. Bring it up. And watch your back when you do. Because that guy will put a knife right in it.

Robert flicks a cigarette into the front seat of a recently cleaned schooner before turning to leave. He takes a step, hesitates, then turns back to face me.

Robert: You're both awful. You deserve each other. I'll tell Mary you said hi.

With that, Robert storms off down the pier. Well, okay.

[Later]

Avatar: So... I ran into Robert.

Joseph: Was he... he wasn't waiting at the dock for you, was he?

Avatar: Yes, and smoking like a chimney.

Joseph: That's Robert, alright.

Avatar: Is everything okay between you two? He seemed... angry.

Joseph: It's... hm. How do I put this...? Did Robert ever proposition you for... erm, escapades?

Avatar: Actually, he did.

Joseph: And did you take him up on that?

Avatar: No.

Joseph: Ah, well. That is where we differ.

Avatar: Whaaaaaaat?!

Joseph: I know, I know. Father of four. Family man. Married, for Christsakes. I should never have even... but I was in a bad place, and with Mary constantly out I...

Joseph settles himself before continuing. This definitely gets under his skin.

Joseph: I made a hasty decision. One which Robert does not exactly... ah... he has a weird thing about casual... um...

Avatar: But he asked you.

Joseph: You'd have to ask Robert about the weird Robert politics of... that. He's been weird about it ever since.

Avatar: Huh. But it's over, right?

Joseph: Oh, yes, absolutely. That began and ended on the same day.

Avatar: Well... okay then!

Joseph: So you're not... upset?

Avatar: I'm not. Things happen, Joseph. And I think you of all people deserve a little forgiveness.

Joseph: Thank you, avatar. That means more than you'll ever know.

Conversation options

The dialogue for all Robert scenes is charted here.

Shots

I like shots. - Neutral
I love shots. - Like
Ooh, Shots fired. I don't like 'em. - Dislike

Compliments

Compliment his Cool Leather Jacket. - Neutral
Compliment his rugged good looks. - Like
Compliment his hand tattoo. - Dislike

What are you doing here?

My daughter kicked me out of the house. - Neutral
Running from my problems. - Like
Trying to make friends. - Neutral

First Date

What To Drink? (1)

Beer. - Neutral
Something tropical. - Dislike
Whiskey, straight up. - Love

What To Drink? (2)

Whiskey hasn't failed me yet. - Love
Beer might be good. - Like
Do they make fruity Irish cocktails? - Dislike

Wanna Blaze?

What? No! - Dislike
I am a law-abiding citizen. - Like
You with the feds? - Love

Getting Some Alone Time

Isn't Joseph wondering where you are? - Dislike
Lots of eligible bachelors around here, huh? - Dislike
Could you get the next round? - Neutral

Still got a little wild in you?

You know it! - Love
There's so much wild in me - Dislike
I HAVE A CHILD I NEED TO CARE FOR - Dislike [Ends the date early]

Throwing rocks at shit

I got a problem with authority. - Like
I'm sorry. - Love
This one's for you, Pappy. - Love

Pineapple on Pizza

Of course. - Like
Ew, no. - Dislike

Got anymore of that wild in ya?

You betcha! - Love
I'm so tired... but... - Like
I love my daughter and I should go home to make sure that she's alright - Dislike [Ends the date early]

Thanks

Thanks for defending my honor - Love
Thanks for the dinner and a movie - Neutral
Thanks for the adventure - Like

Second Date

Tom Waits

Love Tom Waits. - Like
Tom Who? - Dislike
Hoist that Rag, baby. - Love

Car Ride

Are you okay? - Like
I like your car. - Neutral
Say nothing. - Love

Guess you're getting your organs harvested

Laugh - Dislike
Play along - Love

The Dover Ghost

That's terrible. - Neutral
You're lying. - Love

Robert...

That sucks. - Dislike
I'm glad you told me. - Love
Maybe we deserve to be eaten by the Dover Ghost. - Love

Third Date

Toasting

To you - Love
To us - Like
To... toast - Dislike

Court Date?

He does - Like
He looks handsome - Dislike
He'd never convince the jury - Love

Dr...

80's reference. - Love
90's reference. - Like
00's reference. - Dislike
Contemporary reference. - Neutral

Dorthy Penbridge

Riff something highbrow - Like
Go with something I know - Love
Rely on amazing improv comedy skills - Dislike

I was just a...

Bible salesman - Neutral
Traveling grifter - Love
Carnival barker - Neutral

Long day of...

Selling bibles. - Neutral
Working a couple short cons. - Like
Running the dunk tank - Neutral

What was his fake name again?

Davis McSturgiss - Dislike
David McSturgiss -Dislike
Daniel McSturgiss - Love

Bible Passage

Leviticus 2:5. - Neutral
Revelations 1:3. - Neutral
Ecclesiastes 12:7. - Love
Austin 3:16. - Like

Watch out for our book...

"Paranormal Excursions of the Supernatural: Ice Road Ghost Truckers." - Love
"I Saw a Demon: the Shocking True Story of Seeing a Demon." - Neutral
"The Bros Guide to the Hottest Ghosts." - Like

Wanna have a drink?

Is that even a question - Like
You trying to poison me? - Love
Nah, I'm good - Dislike

You like Santana?

Yes. - Neutral
No. - Dislike

Not a big deal.

Okay. - Dislike
Push it. - Neutral

Talking to Robert

Tell him what he wants to hear - Dislike
Tell him what he needs to hear - Love
Walk away - Dislike

Related achievements

Icon	Name	Description
	Bad Dad	Slept with Robert on the first night.
	Dreamiest Daddy	Go on every date with every dad.
	Knife Dad	Go on all Robert dates.

Date Responses

"I may be bad, but you make me glad."

"Uh-oh, where'd my pants go?"

"I'm lost in your oceanic eyes."

"Figured you were hotter."

Trivia

Robert had a relationship of a sexual nature with Joseph. Joseph describes it as a one night stand with Robert leaving him, although the picture that can be found on Joseph's yacht implies otherwise.
Robert is most likely the oldest love interest.
Despite hunting cryptids, Robert believes that Mothman is fake.
Robert whittles to relax.
Robert owns a Boston terrier named Betsy, whom he adopted from the Maple Bay animal shelter (partially as repayment for almost murdering Damien with a wooden stake).
Robert thinks the planet Venus is so cool.

Gallery

Artist: Mari Arakaki