Life Hereafter

Ghost Host (spoken):
We now invite you to sit back and relax, as our 999 residents proudly present... your funeral.

Kermit:
Welcome to the life hereafter
Sleepless nights, eternal laughter
Buy the farm, push up some daisies

Muppet Monsters:
Then get down with us creepy crazies

Clean Gene (spoken):
Hi, wanna come play with me?

Ghost Host:
Frights du jour

Ghost:
And daily nightmares

Mummy and Duddy:
Ghoulish scares to raise your neck hairs

Ghost Host:
If you think it's too macabre,
Follow the floating candelabra

Rizzo the Rat:
But he ain't French and he can't croon

Yolanda:
We did that in a beastly cartoon

Ghost Host (spoken):
She was a beauty

Ghost Host:
We'll never rest, we'll never cease
'Till you finally rest in peace

Chip:
You can fly and you can float

Scooter:
Or you can scream just like a goat

Screaming Goat:
(screams)

Kermit:
But to grant your endless wishes

Squid:
First, you must sleep down with the fishes

Pepe (spoken):
Hey! Hold on, I'm not sleepy! (screams)

Kermit:
Rain or snow

Ghost Host:
Lightning or thunder

Frackles:
The party is down here six feet under

Frackle:
Trick or treat!

Mo:
Take a smell of my feet

Big Mean Carl:
And gimme something good to eat

Ghost Host:
You're all alone, but don't be scared
We've got your wake all pre-prepared

Howard (spoken):
Hi, I'm serving soup. It's a cream mock tortoise and a yummy red that pairs with rigor mortis. (laughs)

Statler (spoken):
It's all so dopey. I'm complaining.

Waldorf (spoken):
At least it's almost entertaining.

Statler and Waldorf:
(laughing)
Waldorf (spoken)
Uh-Oh!
Statler (spoken):
Huh? What the--

Announcer (spoken):
Your attention, please. Restless spirits have halted our progress. Please remain seated in your doom buggy, and we will continue our tour momentarily.

Statler (spoken):
Oh, no. The only thing worse than being stuck in here with you is being stuck in here with them!

Statler and Waldorf:
(laughing)

Fozzie:
We tell jokes

Bobo:
I do tricks

Crazy Harry:
With my deadly candlesticks

Bobo (spoken):
Uh-oh.

Kermit:
Come on now and lift your glass

Ghost Host:
Filled with poison sassafras

The Swedish Chef:
(Speaking mock-Swedish)

Joe from Legal:
Sign your will, deed, and trust
'Cause it's time to bite the dust

All:
Cash in your chips, we're not joking
Now's the time you should be croaking
You're so great, none can compare
No one has your savoir faire

Ghost Host:
It's time to turn your whole life story
Into a memento mori

All:
Corpse by corpse and one by one
Until you shout, "My life is done"

Kermit:
So join us in this life hereafter

All:
Sleepless nights, eternal laughter
Sleepless nights, eternal laughter
Sleepless nights, eternal laughter
Sleepless nights, eternal laughter

Kermit:
And now the greatest act of all

Ghost Host:
It's Gonzo's final curtain call

All:
From the basement to the rafters
Join us in the great hereafter
You'll be great forever after

Muppet Monsters:
In our monstrous life hereafter

All:
For our afterparty afterlife

Rowlf (spoken):
Rest. In. Peace.

All (spoken):
R.I.P.!