Liquor Store

Hello people. Remi here. I have never done this before. Write a public journal entry or whatever one may call this thing, but I gotta start somewhere. It has officially been a year since Liquor Store was released. And what a crazy, magical, and brutal one it's been. They are not lying when they say that time flies. [Haha.] The ways I've changed since last July are kinda unfathomable. The number of shows my body has lovingly and ungracefully carried me through (70, to be exact) is just nuts. The amount of screeching hot bubbling love I have received from so many of you beautiful people across all corners and crevices of this tiny massive world is so overwhelming. I am so grateful. I am also extremely exhausted. It's been a long ass year. I'm here to talk about [the conception of "Liquor Store"] and [the single's] birthday. But [for] you to understand the full picture, I owe you some context. 2020 was obviously a very psychotic year for a lot of reasons, but the beginning of my 2020 was pretty jumbled. I signed my record deal in February. And then the world immediately shut down. And then quickly released I'm Allergic To Dogs! in the height of covid lockdown and fear. And soon after that, "Photo ID" became a TikTok hit and [etc], my career was a career all [of a] sudden. As all this was going on, I was un-shockingly confused and overwhelmed. I was also drinking a lot and had been drinking a lot for a long while. But there was something about being alone in my house with nothing but time and my brain that made me question, well, kinda everything. [So] in a grand Hail Mary to save [me] and my budding career, I quickly sent myself off to rehab, got sober, and four months later came back to LA to immediately start writing my debut record. Yeehaw, baby. Let's rock. "Liquor Store" was the first song I wrote back in Los Angeles. And it was written mid-mental break. There's something about being four months sober where everything starts to get [really] real. Too real. It was four like all that shit I had been ignoring for years now was following me around in plain sight, instead of watching me from behind a dumpster. Anyone who has gone through early sobriety I'm sure can relate to this feeling. You are being stalked by your past and neuroses and there is no easy escape anymore. You gotta kinda just accept that life is hard. And then live life. Anyway, looking back on it, the beginning of the day I wrote "Liquor Store" [was] some of the worst but most necessary hours I've pretty much ever lived through. I was staying in an [Airbnb] in Silver Lake, alone, having some sort of episode, completely unable to control my emotions, despite having a therapist try to talk me down. I called Jared, hysterical, and told him I wanted to come over and record. He was down, so, I went over, he already had a bit of an idea built out, I think maybe bass, drums, and guitar. I freestyled the chorus about 30 seconds after walking through the door (I'm not kidding) and just like that (hehe, "Sex and the City" vibes), in a matter of 4 hours, we pretty much had finished the song and production. And it's a banger. I have still never been so proud of a song. It was so real, overflowing with energy and feeling. After we finished, my hurt ... eased a bit. I emerged out the other end feeling good and accomplished. I had more understanding of what I was going through and why my emotions were so out of whack. And I was grateful that [at] that moment, music saved me from so much ache. It was that day I ... started to understand on a deep level the healing power that making music has on me and how much I need it. I carry that knowledge with me still. If I am hurting, I just need to write a song, and I'll feel at least 50% better, which is pretty good. Luckily over the next two days, the hot streak continued. [I] and Jared wrote "Anthony Keidis", "Grumpy Old Man" and ["wyd"] all with [the] same explosiveness as we had "Liquor Store". A true creative dream. I am proud. But it's wild to think about how much pain I was in at the time. Annoying how that works. In Liquor Store, I obviously touch on my struggles with alcohol addiction. I was sober ... throughout the Juno writing process. Addiction and sobriety have become a large part of what I think about [daily]. It has been and probably will continue to be a major struggle for me in my life. I haven't been completely sober for the past year since the release of Liquor Store and ... a while I was ashamed of that. But just like life, sobriety is a winding, dirty, [non-linear] journey. And I'm happy that I am open and willing enough to share some of my struggles in my songs and ... writing. Not only because [of] the possibility that someone out there may be able to relate to my experience and feel a bit more understood, but the opportunity it gives me to understand myself better. Songs are a magical little portal into the exact people, places, and things that were going on at that time of your life. So thank you songs and thank you "Liquor Store" to getting me to where I am today! Ok, I'm done being sappy and weird. Until next time. Happy [first] birthday, "Liquor Store"! I love you. I love me. And I love you.

— Remi Wolf ...

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health and/or substance abuse — you are not alone. ... Call +1 (800) 950-6264 or visit NAMI.org for more resources.^[5]

Remi Wolf, via Instagram