"Skorpio" is the sixth episode of the first season of Archer. It originally aired on February 11, 2010.
Plot
Synopsis
Archer must rescue Lana from the clutches of Spirodon Skorpio, the infamous arms dealer. Meanwhile, Cyril fears not only for his girlfriend's life, but her succumbing to the seductive nature of Archer's heroics. All the while Malory is on a date with Nikolai Jakov while keeping an eye on Archer, Lana, and Skorpio aboard the Argo.
Summary
Malory has given Lana the mission of assassinating the arms dealer Spirodon Skorpio, while at the same time she has a secret conference with Nikolai Jakov. In the meantime at ISIS, the staff is charged with moving data systems onto the new servers, but instead, they goof around and get stoned on MSG. On the boat, Malory and Jakov remember their time together when they were in their prime, causing Jakov to ask about the period she disappeared. However, Malory sees Lana being carried away by Skorpio and calls Archer to rescue her.
Archer arrives at the boat and submerges into the water to sneak in. With some incitement from Cheryl (stating Archer and Lana could be having sex right now), an already anxious Cyril calls Archer. Archer can't talk right now due to fighting against some henchmen. Archer manages to kill them, after getting wounded and climbs up the side of the boat only to see Lana relaxing on deck. Lana admits she wants to be on-board for a while since she feels smothered by Cyril, and Archer decides to stay on board, posing as the Chocolate Fountain Station guard. He also threatens that he'll tell Cyril about her sleeping with Skorpio.
On the boat, Malory and Jakov argue, and Malory says she wants to leave.
Cutting back to the yacht, Skorpio tells his staff that everything must be perfect, as he will be hosting an auction to sell of weapons to terrorists in one hour. Archer and Lana signal to each other before Skorpio confronts Archer, thinking he's the chocolate guy, and says he looks different. Archer passes this off as him putting on muscle, which Skorpio compliments him for. He then says he needs to "relax" and tells Lana there are no excuses now. He also forces Archer to join them and tells him to bring plenty of chocolate for the occasion.
Cutting back to HQ, Cheryl (who's running name change gag has gotten so out of hand even she doesn't know what it is anymore) is still feeding into Cyril's delusions that he drove Lana back to Archer. Pam argues with her and brings up the aforementioned name confusion, before being distracted by Krieger's snorting of MSG off her stomach. She then tells Cyril that it's just a rescue mission and that they're both probably fighting for their lives at the moment.
On the yacht, we see Archer, Lana and Skorpio in bed and smothered in chocolate. Skorpio offers champagne, and when the two ask for something stronger, he obliges with a squad of henchmen. He reveals he knows who they are and reminds his henchmen to just call him "Skorpio". Archer quickly pulls out a grenade and forgets the one-liner he was gonna use, the grenade exploding and catching the eye of Mallory, who's still at odds with Jakov.
Lana and Archer arm themselves and Lana gets offended by Skorpio's language aimed towards her, which fittingly cuts to HQ where Cheryl states that Archer "turns women into wh*res" and again his mexican cook is bought up. Pam suggests they call her and Krieger hits on Pam, which she seems totally up for. She again affirms to Cyril that there's nothing going on between Archer and Lana before remembering that, as Archer says when we cut back to the shootout, Lana is his beneficiary on his life insurance policy. After more arguing, Lana reveals Archer is the beneficiary on her policy too. Cyril is completely in denial about this revelation, and says that maybe they just forgot to change it, but Pam counters saying that the life insurance policies are updated every quarter. Krieger freaks out when he remembers he forgot to spend the balance in his flex account, and says he was probably too busy fantasising about Lana and Archer having intercourse, which makes Cyril start freaking out again.
On the yacht, Lana and Archer continue arguing, before a grenade flies through the window and they both go to grab it. Archer realises Lana's eyes are green before she shoots him in the foot. He asks what her problem is and she says him, and the fact she has a boyfriend. Archer refers to him as "Mr Cling" before we cut to Cyril clinging onto the door of the file room as Pam and Cheryl try pulling him away. Krieger is still inside and about to set it on fire with molotov cocktails in revenge for the flex account debacle.
Lana and Archer are both cornered and with Lana out of ammo, Archer seems to be the only hope they have left. He asks if she can trust him and she immediately says no, but he fires, blowing up an ammo crate and setting off a chain reaction that blows up the entire yacht. Mallory watches this happen and yells to Jakov in distress about their son (referring to Archer), which he's confused about, leading Malory to ask if he remembers what she wanted to talk to him about. He tells her it's too late since no one could've survived that explosion.
Archer and Lana emerge from the water and Malory rejoices, but Jakov says there isn't anything to be happy about, as the boat they're on begins to sink. Archer haggles for him and Lana to split half the bounty on Skorpio, but they argue again. Archer says he'll tell Cyril about the events on the yacht, but Lana makes fun of him for crying during the threesome with Skorpio, Archer tells her that wooden spoons are a trigger for him and she says she'll be telling everyone about it. Archer concedes and tells Lana to keep the bounty and to keep her stupid clingy boyfriend. Lana says that she can actually trust him as the two paddle to shore.
We cut finally to the aftermath in HQ, where Cyril just had sex with Cheryl. She promises to keep it a secret (probably) and we can see firemen in the background, meaning Krieger's revenge didn't go as planned.
- Starring :
- Co-Starring :
Cultural References
- Glienicke Bridge: Malory Archer and Nikolai Jakov reminisce about their meeting on a bridge: the Bridge of Spies, located in Berlin, was used as a prisoner exchange point between NATO and the Soviet Union.
- Iron Chef: Krieger makes a reference to this with "The secret ingredient is phone", when putting Cyril's phone in the blender.
- Bartleby the Scrivener : Herman Melville (1865): Archer's "I would prefer not to" is a reference to this short story - in which the character frequently says this line. In response to the bemused listeners, Archer adds: "Not a big Melville crowd here, huh? He's not an easy read."
- Thunderball (1965): Archer's underwater scuba fight recalls the fourth James Bond film, in which Bond's principal opponent, Emilio Largo, also owns a mega-yacht.
- Fatal Attraction (1987): When Pam says to Cheryl "Shouldn't you be off cooking a rabbit somewhere?", she's probably referencing the Glenn Close character in this film - the original "bunny boiler".[2]
- The Argo: Named for a ship in Greek mythology. Jason and the Argonauts sailed on a ship called the Argo to retrieve the Golden Fleece.
Running Gags / Callbacks
- Danger Zone - Referring to Lana still having Archer as her life insurance beneficiary, Archer wonders how she got life insurance when she's in the Danger Zone.
- Over Packed - Malory takes a huge amount of luggage for a relatively short trip. She also threatens the luggage handler with bodily harm if he scuffs the bags.
- Who's Your Daddy - Malory informs Nikolai Jakov that he might be Archer's father.
- Choke Sex - Cheryl is applying makeup to choke marks on her throat following sex with Cyril.
- Knock-Off Fiacchi - Lana's underwear comes up periodically; this time it's Archer who claims they're knock-offs.
- Opposite world - First mention.
- Had something for this - Archer's one-liner fail get-out.
- Whore Island - Mentioned by Cheryl (callback to "Mole Hunt").
- Identity Crisis - Cheryl forgets what name she has given herself this episode.
Continuity
- This episode marks the first time Cyril and Cheryl have sex.
- This episode also marks the first time Cyril cheats on Lana.
- Archer is shot for the first time on screen. Lana shoots him in the foot.
Trivia
- Nikolai Jakov is seen reading the same France Matin issue in "Honeypot" when he is at the airport.
- Responding on the airplane to Malory's query about spanking Archer with a wooden spoon, Lana says, "it might explain the ping pong paddle." We then see that the stewardess serving Lana a drink is the same stewardess from the Pilot episode "Mole Hunt," who lies in bed with Archer with a ping pong paddle mark on her butt. Later in the episode, Lana is shown being carried off by Skorpio holding a wooden spoon and a bottle of champagne.
- "Where did you get a grenade? It was hanging from the lampshade!" "A Hanging Lampshade" is a term writers use when they are explicitly making reference to an implausible storyline.
- Spirodon Skorpio calls Archer "malaka" (μαλάκα), which is the Greek word for a jerk, on two occasions. He also refers to Lana as a "tsoula" (τσούλα) and a "poutana" (πουτάνα), both meaning whore in Greek.
- A firefighter can be seen in the background after Cyril and Cheryl have sex meaning the ISIS staff set fire to part of the office.
- During the the firefight onboard Skorpio's Mega-yacht, Lana Kane comments that her lingerie is Fiacchi, an oblique referrence to real-world ammunition manufacturer Fiocchi.
Goofs
- When Skorpio talks to Archer as the "chocolate fountain guy", the weapon the guard to the right of Skorpio is holding changes from an MP40 to an AK47 during a cutaway. A few cutaways later, the guard's appearance totally changes.
Locations
- ISIS headquarters
- Sterling Archer's apartment
- Saint-Tropez, France
Quotes
- Archer: "So I get to go to the French Riviera on the ISIS dime to do what, exactly?"
- Malory: "Locate a stolen shipment of Redeye missiles and kill the arms dealer trying to sell them: Spiridon Skorpio."
- (Skorpio's portly visage is brought on-screen)
- Archer: "What, is diabetes busy?"
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- (Speaking about Archer's cook, Pita's pregnancy)
- Archer: "One, three times, but it's the Pope's fault she won't let me wear a condom."
- Malory: "Why don't you wear a vasectomy?"
- Archer: "This again? Don't you want a grandkid?"
- Malory: "Well if I did, I'd just scrape all your previous mishaps into a big pile and knit a onesie for it."
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- Cyril: "So, zoom, you're just jetting off to France! Isn't that kind of sudden?
- Lana: "No, baby, 'sudden' is wanting to move in with somebody after only four months."
- Cyril: "Talking! Just talking about it, you know? I mean, geez, I moved in with my last girlfriend after four weeks."
- Lana: "What are you, a lesbian?"
- Pam: "Why? Would you be into that? Just curious...which was an odd word choice right there, and am I talking out loud?"
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- Pam: "You know, I think we're making some progress."
- Cheryl: "Where, in opposite world? We're never going to finish all this."
- Pam: "We can if certain people would help."
- Krieger: "I'm sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass."
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- Nikolai: "So, did I say is nice boat, or what?"
- Malory: "Yes, Nikolai, you certainly did; which hopefully explains my shock at finding myself aboard the Chum Guzzler!"
- Nikolai: "Ohh ho ho! I am just now getting that."
- Malory: "Well, I know what you're not getting!"
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- Archer: "Okay, commence operation... something about I-rescue-Lana-and-she-begs-me-to-take-her-back-so-then-Cyril-commits-suicide. Swear to god, I had something for this."
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- Cheryl: "Cyril, right this second, I bet he's untying Lana, taking off her ball gag--"
- Cyril: "Her what?"
- Cheryl: "--as she's looking up into his steely blue eyes and parting her moist lips--"
- Cyril: "Wait a minute."
- Pam: "Yeah, hang on, crazy pants."
- Krieger: "Let her talk, woman!"
- Cheryl: "As he takes her in his rippling, Rambo-y arms, throws her down--"
- Cyril: "Oh, my god!"
- Cheryl: "And then UNH! UNH! Yeah! Oh, yeah! That's right! Give it to me! UNH!"
- (Cyril starts to cry.)
- Pam: "Damn it, look what you--"
- Cheryl: "YEAH!"
- Pam: "Shouldn't you be off cooking a rabbit somewhere?"
- Krieger: "I've got some in the lab."
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- Pam: "And that's the reason I don't have sex with co-workers. That and no one ever lets me."
- Krieger: "I've had good results with ether."
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- Archer: "And since you didn't do your job--"
- Lana: "I will, all right? Just give me, like, a week."
- Archer: "Too late! You had your chance, and you blew it. Now, how's my disguise?"
- Lana: "Uh, it depends; who are you supposed to be, Topper Bottoms: stern-yet-sensual skipper of the U.S.S. Rough service?"
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- Malory: "Unprofessional?! From the man who used an entire KGB surveillance team just to make a sex tape of me?!"
- Nikolai: "Da, and entire KGB art department to airbrush wrinkles off your old ass."
- Malory: "I want to leave, please. Right now."
- Nikolai: "So who's stopping you?"
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- Archer: "You're my beneficiary!"
- Lana: "Your what?!"
- Archer: "On my company life insurance!"
- Lana: "Oh, my god!
- Archer: "I mean, if this goes tits-up..."
- (Archer becomes transfixed on Lana's breasts bouncing as she fires her weapon.)
- Lana: "Now? Really?!"
- Archer: "Oh, right! Because you walked into Strippers Discount Warehouse and said, 'Help me showcase my intellect.'"
- Lana: "Discount?! Hello! This is Fiacchi!"
- Archer: "Uh, I think it's pronounced 'Knock-off!'"
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- Krieger: "Damn ass-hammered SHIT!"
- Everyone else "What?!"
- Krieger: "Benefits! Oh, I forgot to spend the balance in my goddamn flex account!"
- Pam: "Are you date of employment or--"
- Krieger: "Calendar year!!"
- Cheryl: "Ouch."
- Cyril: "That's just leaving money on the table. How did you forget that?"
- Krieger: "I guess I was busy fantasizing about Archer and Lana having intercourse!"
- (Cyril starts crying again.)
- Cheryl: "Ouch."
- Pam: "Cyril, come on, hon... we all were."
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- Krieger: "Get him out of here! (lights a molotov) Because these corporate bag-munchers owe me six hundred and thirty dollars for my GOD! DAMN! FLEX ACCOUNT!!"
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- (As the Argo explodes)
- Malory: "Oh, my god! Nikolai! Our son!"
- Nikolai: "Our WHAT?!"
- Malory: "Oh, so, remember that 'little something' I wanted to tell you?"
- Nikolai: "A 'little something'?! Oh, that is just classic you!"
- Malory: "So I'm a little late."
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- (Archer emerges from the wreckage of the Argo.)
- Archer: "WHOOOO!! Oh, man! I am awesome!"
- Lana: "Ugh, and it just keeps on getting better."
- Archer: "Lana?"
- Lana: "Asshole?"
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- Malory: "Nikolai, look! They're alive! Oh, thank god!"
- Nikolai: "Thank God? For what? The lying woman I risk my career for? The son she don't told me of?"
- (A huge propeller is seen embedded in their boat.)
- Nikolai: "Or maybe my damn security deposit?!"
- Malory: "Security deposit? What was it, a pair of flip-flops?"
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- Archer: "Half the bounty! Come on, I deserve it."
- Lana: "Ha! Too bad! So you can just paddle that hole in your foot right on back to your cheesy Mexican kitchen."
- Archer: "Oh, I'll get a new kitchen. But let's see you get a new boyfriend after I have a long talk with Cyril."
- Lana: "About what, exactly? How you cried during a two-man threesome?"
- Archer: "Wooden spoons are a huge emotional trigger for me, Lana!"
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- Cheryl: "Look, what happens on this scratchy green office rug stays on this scratchy green office rug, okay?"
- Cyril: "You mean this, what we just did... you'll keep this our secret?"
- Cheryl: "Yeah, God! Cyril, you can trust me! You know, probably."
- Cyril: "Wha-- probably?!"
- Cheryl: "Wah wah!"
Gallery of Images
There are 21 screenshots and images from "Skorpio" on this Wiki, visit the category page for a complete gallery.
External links
"Skorpio" on IMDB
Reference List
- ↑ Archer Season 1 Ratings on tvbythenumbers.com
- ↑ Bunny Boilers phrases.org.uk