Finders Keepers is the twelfth episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 11 and 237th episode overall. It aired on September 9, 2013.
Characters
Red Team
Blue Team
Other
Plot
After failing to repair the comm tower, Tucker returns to Blue base. Simmons sees that the Blues have a working gravity lift and asks Tucker how they can power it. Tucker replies that their base has a direct line to the ship, giving them access to almost unlimited electricity. Simmons then decides to borrow some of the ship's fuel for a "side project".
Meanwhile, Washington reports back to Caboose saying that he found nothing on the perimeter. When Caboose asks Wash for his opinion on how Freckles would look in a sombrero, Wash quickly makes an excuse to leave by stating he forgot to inspect the ship for enemies. On top of a nearby cliff, a mysterious soldier in steel and orange armor is seen observing the Blues and mutters "Holy shit. It's actually them." He is then alarmed when he realizes Locus is watching them as well.
Meanwhile, inside the ship, Sarge, Grif, and Doc break in and begin searching the armory for anything they can use to destroy Freckles. After briefly playing around with sticky-bomb launchers, Grif and Doc search through the ship's records and find that the ship is carrying a large amount of experimental weaponry, though most of it is located in the other half of the ship when it broke off. The two then find experimental teleportation cubes, which Grif instantly takes a liking to. Sarge then discovers a robot even more massive than Freckles and instantly falls in love with it. He then decides to dismantle it and take it back to Red base. Suddenly, the three secretly see Wash wandering through the armory and wonder what he's doing in there.
In the armory, Wash is busy using the materials inside to build some sort of device, muttering "Never thought it'd come down to this. Sorry Caboose."
Transcript
Cut to Simmons watching a gravity lift. Tucker approaches Simmons
Tucker: (groans) This blows. I don't know a first thing about fixing intergalactic radios.
Simmons: (still watching the grav lift) Uh huh.
Tucker: Every movie that I've ever seen with a repairman on it always glosses over the actual repairing part. It's just, "Hey baby, I'm here to lay some pipe" and then bam, two scoops of raisin!
Simmons: Uh huh.
Tucker: Dammit woman! If you let the man do his job, then maybe we would not be in this mess.
Simmons: (looks at Tucker) Hey Tucker, what the fuck is this thing?
Tucker: It's a gravity lift. You step on it and it takes you upstairs.
Simmons: I know that, but what the fuck is it doing here?
Tucker: It's glowing and goes (makes glowing sounds)
Simmons: So let me get this straight. We're the survivors of a shipwreck, living off of the bare necessities, and in the middle of the room is this incredible feat of modern-day technology.
Tucker: I don't know. Wash found it on the ship and put it on the base. What's so weird about that?
Simmons: It's like finding a car made of rocks, plastic and a bluetooth radio.
Tucker: Oh, we've got that too. (Siri's iPhone jingle is heard) Siri, play song dance theme.
Siri: Did you mean bomb, Andy?
Tucker: Oh piece of shit.
Siri: Calling bomb, Andy.
Simmons: How are you able to power all of this?
Tucker: We're hooked up to the ship.
Simmons: You mean you have a direct line to a limitless power supply?
Tucker: Well, no, we'll definitely run out of fuel eventually, just not anytime soon. So who cares, take as much as you want.
Simmons: God bless the American way.
Tucker: What are ya gonna do?
Simmons: (runs to the gravity lift) Just a side project!
Washington: Hey Caboose!
Tucker turns to see Wash running over to Caboose and Freckles.
Washington: I've secured the perimeter. No bad guys to be found.
Caboose: (in a low commanding voice) Excellent work Commander Washington, I admire your determination! Why, maybe someday you could be the leader of blue team!
Washington: (sarcastically) Yes, maybe someday.
Caboose: Now, I have a very important question for you Washington!
Washington: Okay.
Caboose: Um...d'ya think Freckles would look...silly in a hat? Possibly a sombrero?
Washington: You want to dress your pet up in people clothes?
Caboose: To boost the moral of the troops!
Washington: You know, I just remembered I haven't checked for any bad guys on the Ship.
Caboose: What?! Washington, what are you even doing here!? The- uh, there could be bad guys plotting against us right now!
Washington: You're right! Sorry boss, I'll take care of right away.
Wash runs to the ship.
Caboose: (turns to Freckles and sighs) Ya'know some people are just not cut out for military life Freckles. Now let's go make you that tiny hat.
Caboose walks off with Freckles behind him. Cut to Tucker watching them go.
Tucker: Thanks Wash, really looking out for your team.
Siri's iPhone jingle is heard
Andy: (voice machine) Hey, you've reached the voicemail of "Andy the Bomb."
Tucker: Siri, hang up!
Cut to an outcropping, where Felix watches the group from afar.
Felix: Holy shit. It's actually them.
The soldier hears a noise and turns to see Locus on another ledge before the latter cloaks out of sight.
Felix: (worried) Oh no.
Pan to the sky. Fade to a dark, star filled sky. Sarge, Grif and Doc walk down a corridor of the ship.
Doc: Ya know, for a shipwreck, this place actually looks pretty nice.
Grif: You should see the other half.
Doc: Is it bad?
Grif: We don't know. It landed somewhere else.
Doc stops walking.
Doc: Yeah that's pretty bad. Hey, did you guys ever watch Lost?
Sarge and Grif: SHUT UP!
The trio walks into a large room.
Sarge: Alright, men. Fan out and see what you can find. Remember we're hunting the most dangerous prey of them all."
Doc: Man?
Sarge: What? No. Giant robot.
Doc: Oh, yeah.
Sarge: Pfft Man. Everything kills man. Man's way down on the list. Right between Koala and retarded Koala.
Grif: Yeah, man sucks.
The three spread out. Grif finds several sticky detonators in a corner.
Grif: Hmm.
He picks one up and fires it at the wall. The charge sticks to the wall.
Grif: What the fuck? Huh.
Grif finds Doc looking up at something.
Doc: Hmmm.
Grif fires and sticks a charge to the side of Docs head.
Doc: Hey!
Grif: Boosh! Headshot!
Doc: Grif ! What the heck man!?
Grif: Oh, don't be a bitch.
Doc: What is this?
Grif: Beats me. Wanna try? There's a whole bunch in the corner.
Doc: I'm not sure... You know how I feel about firearms.
Grif: Come on. They don't do anything. They just stick.
Doc: Well let me think about it...
There is a long pause.
Doc: ...Okay!
Cut to Sarge above them.
Sarge: Hey! This ain't a tea party, numb-skulls! Get ridda' those toys a get back to work.
Grif: Fine.
Doc: Aww man.
Sarge: And take that stupid thing of you head.
Sarge walks off. Doc is heard pulling the charge off his head. Cut to Grif and Doc walking away.
Doc: I never get to do anything cool.
The charge on the ground explodes after they're gone.
Sarge: You'd better not be breaking things down there!
Doc walks up to a computer console.
Doc: Hmm. According to the ship's records, it was carrying alot of standard issue weaponry. Buuut it has a bunch stuff here listed as "experimental".
Grif comes up.
Grif: Oooh! That's military slang for really fucking dangerous. Where's that stuff?
Doc: Well it looks like most of it was on the other half of the ship.
Grif: Booo!
Doc: But there is one prototype that was kept here.
Grif: Yes!
Doc types into the keypad and something is heard opening. He and Grif go and look at a line of orange glowing cube grenades.
Grif: What the fuck are these?
Doc: Looks like some kind of grenade. Or it could be a rubix cube. I dunno.
Grif: Huh.
Grif throws one.
Doc: Aaaahh! What are doing?!
Grif: Tryin' it out.
The grenade hits some fuel crates. There is and orange flash and the crates disappear.
Grif: Whoa!
Doc: YOU COULD'VE KILLED US!
Grif: Did you see that?
Doc: You can't just go around messing with experimental-
Grif throws another one.
Doc: Stop doing that!
There's another orange flash and the crates reappear.
Grif: Dude!
Doc: What is wrong with you!?
Grif: These things are like, teleporter cubes!
Doc: Be careful we don't know how they work.
Grif: Waddya mean? Throw it at a thing. Thing disappears. Throw another one. Thing reappears. I could keep an entire buffet in the palm of my hand !
Doc: Really? That's what you're excited about?
Sarge: Men! Upstairs! Now!
Doc: Coming!
Doc runs off.
Grif: Oh, I am taking these.
Cut to Grif and Doc on the upper platform with Sarge. Sarges stands staring at something.
Doc: Sarge! You'll never guess what we found!
Sarge: Son, You could've found a laser-guided napalm shark. But I still wouldn't care.
Doc: What?
Sarge: Ya know that feelin' you get when you see a pretty girl on the first day of school? You're not really sure what to do, but your instincts just take over and you smile at her. And she smiles back.(Getting emotional) And suddenly the world's a brand new place. And your stomach's all full of twists and twirls?
Doc: Um... Yeah?
Sarge: Well, boys. I got that feelin' right now.
Grif and Doc follow Sarge's gaze and see a colossal mech similar to Freckles.
Grif: Holy shit...
Sarge: Except imagine that pretty girl at school is armor plated with a titanium poly-alloy and outfitted with fifty millimeter canons and ammo for days!
Doc: She sounds pretty high maintenance.
Grif: She sounds like I need a safe-word to date her.
Sarge: Oh yeah!
Doc: So how do we get it out of the ship?
Grif: Teleportation cubes, anyone?
Sarge: No! A lady this fine has to be treated right. Whiled up and what not. We'll take her apart and move her ourselves limb by limb. Packed away in carrying cases if necessary.
Doc: Uh... I think your dating metaphor just took a turn into serial killer territory there, Sarge.
Grif: Seriously? I just found these awesome future cubes! It's destiny!
A small noise is heard. Sarge raises his gun.
Sarge: Huh? What was that?
The reds crouch down and see Washington moving down a hallway from the catwalk across the room.
Doc: Agent Washington?
Grif: What the hell is he doing here?
Sarge: Doesn't matter. Let's just dismember this beautiful lady and take back to our lair. I mean base.
Grif: Could you please stop referring to the robot as a woman? It's really weird.
Sarge: Not as weird as the throbbin' erection she's givin' me.
Grif: Jesus Christ.
Fade to Washington working on something on a table in a storage room.
Washington: Hmm. Needs a conductor...
Wash goes and tries to open a nearby crate.
Washington: (groans) Stupid thing... Just open!
He steps back and shoots at the crate. He then notices something nearby and approaches it.
Washington: There we go.
Wash returns to his work.
Washington: Never thought it'd come down to this. Sorry, Caboose.
Gallery
Trivia
- Grif explains to Doc that when the ship crashed, it split into two halves and that the other half was nowhere to be found. This is an allude to the TV series Lost, which Doc also notices.
- This may also be a reference to the Forward Unto Dawn, a frigate that was destroyed in a similar way in Halo 3.
- The sticky detonator that Grif shoots onto Doc's helmet could be a reference to Knock, knock. Who's there? Pain., when Donut was stuck with a Plasma Grenade to his helmet.
- The crate Wash shoots at is revealed in You Know Who We Are to contain the Meta's helmet.
Video
